After my death

It happened when Appa died. I did not like the rituals; it appeared to be something established by a smart set of people to earn wealth/money for themselves. I had to put up a show to the people gathered that I was doing something required by the Shastras...I did not know even the a,b,c,d of the requirements. I mis-chanted (mis-pronounced) or not chanted many of the mantras...I did not know the meaning of what I was blabbering. If such a prayer can reach the GODS, I am convinced that a sincere one-liner will also reach THEM. That I do many times every day, in a language known to me.

The same thing happened when Amma expired last week. The timing for the funeral was changed to suit someone's convenience; Sastra, which demanded that funeral should take place within four hours, changed in no time. Between one telephone call and the other, the extension of timing was five hours. Thank GOD !! There were not many phone calls. Secretly everyone had their Coffee/tea and tiffin - who would fast till late in the evening !!! Again the Sastra was given a go by. I don't wear Poonool..as I did not find any use for it...I don't perform any of the Sandhya Vandhanas or Tharpanas or Shrardhas. But to conduct this funeral ritual I needed to have a poonool, which I managed to get while just entering the house at Chennai. I just wore it after the bath - I became eligible to conduct the rituals !!! Peria Anna was not well; his place was taken up by Chinna Anna. But whenever Peria Anna desired he could reclaim his rightful place in the ceremony !! The Sastra could change from using funeral pyre out of wood to modern gas fired incinerator...no issues (you need to carry out a LCA to find out if this is indeed environmentally friendly !!!). The body, of course, had to go into the incinerator without any of Gold and diamond ornaments....someone else had taken possession of the diamond ear-ring and golden bangles before the body left the house!!! Good move.

While waiting for the ashes to come out (i.e. about one and half hours) all sorts of topics were discussed among those who assembled at the Kannammapet crematorium - to kill time....some talked philosophy (??), some politics and someothers economics. By the way, the crematorium was one of the dirtiest places I have visited so far...can't they provide a better place for the last journey of our beloved ? Even if they had provided a five-star facility, our sastra following janata would have spoilt it in no time.

We went from the crematorium to the sea directly to immerse the ashes in the sea; this time I requested at least five more people to go with us; the last time, when Appa died, we had some unpleasant experience at the sea shore...a drunken fisherman was demanding money for immersing the ashes in the sea...his father's property. We, Chandra and I, avoided confrontation and finished the job without paying any money. This time luckily there was no such unpleasant experience. Again Chandra and I were there for the immersion of the ashes.

I thought that a house with a death will be mourning; as soon as we returned we were asked to take bath and that was followed by a FEAST, with payasam...I can not imagine this...OK. We need to take food...to survive...do we need to celebrate ? I also came to know that when Appa died, every day there was some sweet with lunch!!! What is this Sastra ? All these gentlemen and ladies who are diabetic consume these sweets every day without inhibition, paving the way for more such sweets in the near future !!!

The most important aspect of someone's death is the expenses for the funeral and the associated ceremonies...last time for Appa it was almost Rs.70000/=. Now for Amma I am told it would be in the same region or a little more. Luckily my parents have four sons...this expense had been equally divided among us....imagine a family with only one son !!! At the end of the ceremony, probably he would be physically, emotionally and economically down.

Why did I start writing this blog ? To tell my children (and to confirm what I had already told) that no such ritual has to be performed after my death. I am planning to donate ALL my body parts after my death; the body may be used for medical education/research...the remains may be burnt in the incinerator. Please don't spend any money on ceremonies....please do not have any Amavasya/Monthly tharpanas (with two girls as children these may not be done anyway - thank the Sastra) or yearly Shrardhas. The only thing I expect from my children, after my death - and even now, is that they live a CLEAN life as responsible human beings, enabling their near and dear ones to keep their heads high !!! I have faith in GOD; I leave it to my children to have or not to have faith in GOD. But I, if there is any "individual life" in the other world which I reach after death, would pray GOD for their and their families' happiness and well-being....that is not conditional to their performing any of the rituals mentioend above. Love does not have any barrier !!!

Amma - Love of an imperfect

Amma has at last taken leave of all of us on 25 February, 2009.

When I received the message from Chandra early morning on 25 February, 2009, I felt relieved...not that I was not sad. But I was more sad to see her lying in the bed without any (or with low) physical activity, including speaking and moving for many months.

I could not bear the pain to see that scene; I was quite upset.

I was praying God and Appa to take Amma to them at the earliest. It did not happen for long...every passing day I was praying that Amma should leave this world without any major difficulty and with peace.

I had heard the shouting of "frustration" and utter indifference from those "close" to her; I could not stomach that "insult" to Amma. After all when she was conscious she loved one and all close to her - in spite of her strong likes and dislikes !!!

People enjoyed her hospitality when she was living like a Maharani....people still flocked to her even after we moved to Chennai because of her personality...she had special friends ..Radhakrishna Chithappa, Srinivasa Chithappa (who has already joined her in their new journey), Rukmani Chithi and the like.

Once upon a time she was the un-crowned princess of RK's family; as the years passed, people forgot RK and with that visitors to our house, close to RK, had also come down.

She was married to Appa for seventy five years....a long period in one's life...I never found them fighting with each other as far as Appa was in service...quarelling (or is it teasing...a sign of love !!!) started very late...probably after Appa reached his eighties.

Hats off to Appa ! He managed a strong perosnality like Amma for many years to keep their marriage lively. Amma was always naive...not anywhere near Appa in any of the wordly matters...but still they managed to have a successful marriage.

My memories of her will never leave me.... Amma is unique for any son...I am no exception...I loved her as much as she loved me... I will continue to ...in spite of her draw-backs as a human being.

I am sure I and my family will have her blessings from the heavens....Love goes beyond this world !!!!