Am I another Subramanian....

While flying back from Bangkok to Mumbai I happened to watch the movie "Santosh Subrmanian"...I could not watch the final scenes of the movie as the Public Address system interfered with the scene and by the time the Public Address announcement was over, the movie also ended. But overall I believe that I understood the message of the movie. The movie is about a father who wants his children to be the best and he tries to give them the best, as he sees it. The story goes on to say that the father perhaps erred in his treatment of his children, even though he had their well being in mind, by forcing his views on them.

This triggered off some thoughts in my mind too. Am I another Subramanian ?We brought up our children without any external guidance. We believed that whatever we did was for the best of our children. It is possible that I was rude, crude or simply bad; but the intentions were always good. I do not know how my children have taken my interactions with them.

Just to compare, I did not force them to wear what they did not like; of course I might have bought some dresses (in their absence) which may not be of their liking. But I did not question them as to why they never wore those clothes. Most of the times, it was their choice and not mine.

I never asked them to do something and interfered with their way of accomplishing that. My aim was to make them as independent as possible and so there was no way I would interfere with their work, whether it was for me or for them.

I had probably played carrom once or twice with them - but they were too young to even remember that. I never told them as to how to play their part in a game. I believe that full freedom was given to them as to the execution of any such activity. As parents our responsibility was to enable them to do the best the way they like.

As parents we also had our dreams about our children. So I took them for music classes; after an enthusiastic start, not so interesting continuation, it ended absurptly - the decision to end was theirs not mine. The decision to throw away Iqbal classes was theirs not mine.

I did express that they should become engineers (anyway they did not like biology and did not want to become doctors), as my experience showed that it was the minimum (like the SSLC of the early 20th century) that was required to build a career. I am not sure if they liked it; but as a parent it was my duty to show the way. I have (am) shown (showing) interest in their continuing beyond the Bachelor's degree. The decision to go forward is (was) theirs.

As for their life partners, they are their choice, not mine. My job was only to find someone suitable and ask them to interact and decide. The final decision was theirs, not mine. Of course, as a father, I am interested in their life even after their marriage. At times I express my dreams of them; that does not mean I am forcing my views on them.

All my actions, with all its short-comings, were focussed on the best of everything for my children. At times I may not be in synchronization with their thinking... I am sure one day they will realize the reason for my thinking at that particular time.

I had always strived for an environment where my children could express themselves without any fear; at times they talk to me subjects that they don't even speak to their close friends. I like it that way...that means they don't have fear in me. I believe that they treat me as a good friend. But at the same time they have some respect for my age and experience. I believe that they are also proud of me as their father. The impression I get is that they love me, respect me and expect me to be with them (to share their joys and problems etc.) always.

Now that my children are grown, with their own families, I look to them for views and advice when needed. Most of the times their views are more apt for the situation than mine. They tell me as to when to cut my hair; what type of shirt I should wear; how to respond to some people; how to use my computer etc.

Am I then Subramanian ? No way....my children are smarter than his sons and they had seen Freedom and had been Independent much before they learnt the letter F. By the way, my children have the best set of friends and do not have any bad habbits - they do not have anything to hide behind their parents. I am proud of them.