My Father..........

After writing the last blog evaluating me as a father in comparison to Subramanian of “Santosh Subramanian”, I thought I should also write about my father (a sort of 360 degree evaluation) and his relationship with me. At the outset let me tell you I had a GEM of a father; I am proud of my father and will be proud of him ever. By the way I am not comparable to him; he is unique. Coming to those points:

1) There was no special way in which our parents brought us up. Of course father wanted us to study well; so he had arranged tuitions, from class 3 onwards !!! This continued till the 8th Standard, i.e. till I left the Srirangam High School. We just grew …there was no special attention. The hostel life had taught us some discipline, of getting up early, studying regularly, taking care of belongings etc. We could, however, feel the love and affection of our parents.

2) Of course, our dresses used to be at least one or two sizes bigger than the right size, because we were supposed to be growing !!! But not many dresses were there anyway. We hardly had a couple of dresses apart from the Uniform (Khaki and White) and of course per year we used to get two new sets, one for Deepavali and another for the birthday. So there was no choice; Appa used to bring the cloth and give that to the tailor. We had to wear whatever was given to us. We did it with joy !!!

3) Appa never gave me any specific assignment; only after coming to Kuppiah Chetty Street, it was my duty to get the vegetables almost every evening, which I did with enthusiasm.

4) Appa never played with me any game. He used play Tennis, Bridge etc., when we were in Pettavaithalai. But I was only a spectator.

5) Appa, it appears to me, had no time to plan our future and probably did not have any high dreams for me…at least I could not get any evidence that he guided me in my selection of courses or career. Of course, he was available to me whenever I wanted, be it the admission to Hindu High School, or admission to Presidency College or my struggle to get into Medical College or any such effort. But not even once did he tell me what to choose or what to go for. Probably, his experience with my older brothers would have made him to let the destiny take its own course in my case.
One specific instance where his advice changed the course of my life was application to IISc. I was not eligible to apply for Ph.D. in Chemistry in IISc as I had taken Biology in my graduation. He advised me to apply for IISc. I was called for interview; on the same day I had another interview at IIT, Mumbai. Appa spoke to one of his close friends, who happened to be the uncle of Prof. Soundararajan, and asked me to go to IISc. It was a good decision. Even though I was not eligible I was selected…the rest is another story. I still believe that it was a bold advice.

6) By the time I went to college Appa had already retired; I did not want to burden him with heavy college fee. My highest college fee till M.Sc. was Rs.600/= per year. For Ph.D. I lived on my Scholarship and did not ask a single paisa from Appa. In fact I used to save on what Appa used to give me for the bus and lunch (about Rs.30 per month) and used the money for my clothes. Of course as usual Deepavali and Birthday used to bring two sets of clothes every year.

7) As for the marriage, it was left to Appa to select a bride. But I was clear that I would marry the first girl I would see. By the way, I had a few who were interested in me at this stage of my life. But I wanted my father & mother to decide.

8) I don’t think Appa had any plan for each one of us; things happened as they had to happen that way. He lived his life simple and wanted the same for his children perhaps.

9) I hardly spoke to Appa when we were in Nellikuppam and Pettavaithalai; he never had time as his time was occupied in his factory job. The maximum was his patting our back with a “adi Chokka” comment. Of course Amma was there for any needs and Patti and Athai and samayal Mami were all there for stories and gossip. Anyway the friends circle was so big that I did not miss anything by not speaking to Appa often during those days. The day I was bed-ridden, when I was in the 9th Standard, my relationship with Appa became cemented. I cannot forget the way he took care of me; he used to give me sponge bath, used to clean my bed pan, used to feed me and to give medicines in time. He was already retired and I could see the self-less service of Appa. I had also seen him doing these to my Paatti…taking care of her with love ..without any inhibition of cleaning her. In fact we came to know of the REAL appa only after his retirement – A GEM of a PERSON.

10) Even though he used to worry about things, he never put a spoke in our views and moves. I learnt quite a few things from him during this phase (after retirement) of his life.

11) He never questioned about my friends; he used to entertain any of my friends visiting me. He knew Balaswaminthan, Rajendran et al and used to speak to them without much of a worry about the age difference.

12) He never asked for my advice on any matter; I used to ask him for his advice.

Looking back that was a different era….needs were different…ideas were different…. opportunities were different. There are many things that I have to thank Appa for; he is responsible for what I am. The one thing that I have to thank APPA for is that he showed us that Character and Values are important in life. He showed us the way to treat people, whether rich or poor, young or old, intelligent or not so intelligent etc. No doubt he is one of my IDOLS.

It is absurd to compare him with Subramanian!!!!